There was a wicked messenger from Eli he did come

I'll act as a wicked messenger. I will not speak eloquently, but put it in language that the masses will understand. Avatar sucks. Rub your eyes again in disbelief and re-read the sentence because it really is there. I just typed that and it's not a misprint. That movie is a train wreck and I'm gonna tell you why. But first, let me finish delivering my messages. Shutter Island is awesome. The Ziptrek course in Queenstown is ok. Now that you have the syllabus, let's start the lecture.

So I've had the last three days off and I've seen two films at the cinema in that time. I'm proud of the fact that I watch almost no television in New Zealand. But I still love movies and the entire process of seeing a movie in a theater. I was excited to see Avatar due to the ridiculous amount of buzz surrounding this movie. Everyone of my friends in Queenstown had seen it and raved about it. And I'd read at least two dozen facebook status updates professing the awesomeness of Avatar 3D. I had high expecations going in. Alright first things first. I don't care that James Cameron directed this movie. This does not immediately validate the movie. James Cameron is not incapable of making crap movies ("I'll never let go Jack"). So let's pretend that James Cameron was not associated with this movie in any way shape or fashion and look at it for what it is: CGI porn. To me, that's the only thing Avatar has to offer. Yes, it was visually stimulating to see the Avatar creatures running through a black light forest that looks like it jumped straight out of a Timothy Leary coloring book. But that's not enough to justify calling this movie anything more than mediocre. The dialouge is horrendous. It's borderline comical. I actually laughed out loud when Jake Sully asks hot Avatar chick why she saved him and she responds "You have a strong heart." Really? How in the hell did she figure that out? The audience sure couldn't have. The only thing we knew about Jake Sully was that he is an edgy marine who has lost the use of his legs. Guess that gives him a visibly strong heart to an Avatar and makes his life worth saving. The Avatar storyline doesn't bother me. I like sci-fi and magic. I'm a big fan of the LOTR trilogy and all of the Star Wars movies. I think Serenity is one of the best sci-fi movies made in the last ten years. It's not the Avatar story that's piss poor, it's the acting. Giovanni Ribisi and the scarred GI Joe are unbelievable in their respective roles and again comical at times. I mean the guys flying into a battle zone drinking a cup of coffee. Come on. Is this a blockbuster film or Snakes on a Plane (I actually enjoyed Snakes on a Plane, it was hysterical)?

This movies got an 82% rating on rottentomatos.com. That means that of all the reviews it was given, 82% of them were positive. This is a startling figure. It suggests to me that we've got a lot more CGI porn to look forward to. Hell, pretty soon they won't need the actors to make these movies. They will be CGI's as well. And if "Do you know how much cheddar is under that rock?" is the best script writing they can come up with, they might as let the graphic designers write the damn scripts as well. If this is your cup of tea, you don't have to look far for some more Avatar like films. "Clash of the Titans", which is 300 re-packaged for your viewing pleasure, is right around the corner.

I can't write too much about Shutter Island as you really need to see this film knowing as little as possible about the synopsis. I will say this: It does not view like your favorite Martin Scorsese movie. It's like nothing he's ever done. I was consistenly reminded of Darren Aronosky and Alfred Hitchcock while watching. Some of the shots I think must be direct nods to Hitchcock. Leo brings his A game and Ben Kingsley nails his part as well. The suspense keeps you sitting rigid from start to finish and here's a stunning concept: the movie makes you think! Can you imagine that? You actually have to pay attention to what's going on and formulate interpretations on your own. Awwwwwww, sorry Avatar fans. It won't be as simple as "You have a strong heart" this time around. Don't cry though, Avatar 2: Jake's Smurf Babies Attack will be in theaters soon enough.

While I'm on a freaking mass communications roll let me plug some other stuff that's been keeping me entertained lately. I was quite fond of reading Bill Simmon's commentary on the sports world back home. I lost track of his work while in New Zealand but I stumbled upon a great article to get me back on track. Like the rest of the world I watched Tiger Wood's press conference. I guess public speaking is not for everyone. Bill pretty much shreds Tiger on this one, but I agree with pretty much everything he says here. Read on for yourself.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/100219

One of my favorite shows at ACL last year was put on by K'Naan, a hip hop artist from South Africa. My brother found this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYfa0__P_pI

Alright, that's enough media. Let's get back to New Zealand. Sunday was locals day at the Ziptrek course. Occasionally, the adventure companies here have "locals day" in which they lower there outrageously high prices for locals who can show proof of address. This is usually done by the companies whose excursions have shady reputations already. They need the locals, who otherwise could not afford the ticket, to come in and participate in their adventure, so that they will spread buzz amongst the tourists passing through. The ziptrek had mostly lukewarm to negative marks from what I could gather. But you have to take that with a grain of salt. In a town and a region that could arguably serve as the adventure capital of the world, it is going to be very difficult to excite people. You can't go from the Nevis High wire to a ziptrek course and expect to be an impressed. I actually was impressed. I liked the zipline. It was quite thrilling for me, because once again, I don't like the heights and the open space. My heart pounds, my adrenaline soars, and I have a good time. Melissa also enjoyed it. Nate wasn't too wound up about it. However we all agreed that the forcefed Eco tour was complete garbage. Part of the zip trek tour was that at each launching station we had to listen to a spiel about the environment. I really don't mind hearing about environmental issues as they are important. But I hate it when someone rattles off a bunch of stats to you and then doesn't give you any suggestions as to what you are supposed to do about. It's like here, here's a bunch of information to make you frown and feel bad about yourself as a human and that's it. I'm not gonna tell you anything you can do to make it better. Thanks. I'm glad you incorporated that into my afternoon.

I suggested earlier that I might be overly critical. Well, I might also be overly dramatic. Sunday was a wonderful day. I played the frisbee golf course for 6 over par, hiked up to Ziptrek course on a beautiful afternoon, enjoyed the Ziptrek course and then ate way too much popcorn at the theater. It was not nearly as bad as my "reviews" might have you believe.

Short Circuits

The beauty of having an Ipod with over a hundred gigs of music on it is that you get to discover and re-discover music you either hadn't gotten to yet or forgotten about. I've found two really good albums on my ipod on my days off. The first is Eric Lindell: Gulf Coast Freeway. I saw Lindell at Chelsea's last fall and had listened to the album once or twice, but had totally forgotten that I had it. This is a great album. Eric's got a nice a little following but I expect him to continue to build steam over the next few years. Get on board. The second group, I honestly cannot remember downloading. The band is called the Bridge and the album is Blind Man's Hill. I listened to it twice today and it is solid. It's got a nice bluesy feel to it with some country casually blended in.